Gaslighting in Relationships: How to Spot It and Shut It Down

Written By Mícheál Æsír

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic used to make someone doubt their own perceptions, memories, and sanity. It is particularly damaging in relationships, where it can undermine trust and erode self-esteem. Here’s how to identify and address gaslighting behavior in relationships.

How to Spot Gaslighting

1. Denial of Reality

Example: You: "You said you would take care of the bills." Gaslighter: "I never said that. You’re imagining things."

2. Trivializing Feelings

Example: You: "I felt ignored at the party." Gaslighter: "You’re overreacting. It wasn’t a big deal."

3. Shifting Blame

Example: You: "Why didn’t you call me back?" Gaslighter: "You’re too needy. That’s why I didn’t call."

4. Withholding Information

Example: You: "Why didn’t you tell me about the meeting?" Gaslighter: "I thought you already knew."

5. Confusion and Contradiction

Example: You: "You promised to come home early." Gaslighter: "No, I didn’t. You must have misunderstood."

How to Shut It Down

1. Trust Your Perceptions

Strategy: Keep a journal to document events and conversations. Trust your own memory and experiences.

2. Set Boundaries

Strategy: Clearly communicate and enforce boundaries. Let the gaslighter know that their behavior is unacceptable.

3. Seek Support

Strategy: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist. Their validation can reinforce your reality and provide emotional support.

4. Stay Calm and Assertive

Strategy: Use "I" statements to assert your feelings and perceptions. For example, "I remember you saying that you would handle the bills."

5. Limit Contact

Strategy: If the gaslighting persists, consider limiting your interactions or removing yourself from the situation if possible.

Conclusion

Recognizing and addressing gaslighting is crucial for maintaining your mental and emotional well-being. If you suspect you are being gaslit, seek support from trusted individuals or mental health professionals.

At Moriel Mental Health (MMH), we specialize in helping victims of gaslighting and narcissistic abuse. Our therapists provide compassionate and effective treatment. Please contact us to book an appointment. We work all throughout California and are here to support you.

Sources:

  • Psychology Today

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline

  • GoodTherapy

  • Verywell Mind

  • PsychCentral

Mícheál Æsír
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