What Does Gaslighting Actually Mean?
Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation tactic where one person attempts to make another person doubt their own perceptions, memories, and sanity. The term originates from the 1944 film "Gaslight," in which a husband manipulates his wife into believing she is going insane by altering their environment and denying his actions. Here’s a deeper look into what gaslighting entails, with examples and tips on how to respond.
Definition and Origin
Overview
Gaslighting involves persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying to destabilize the victim and delegitimize their beliefs. This form of abuse can erode the victim's self-confidence and trust in their own mental faculties.
Sources:
Psychology Today
GoodTherapy
Examples of Gaslighting
1. Denial of Reality
You: "You told me you would handle the bills this month." Gaslighter: "I never said that. You're making things up."
2. Trivializing Feelings
You: "I felt hurt when you ignored me at the party." Gaslighter: "You're too sensitive. It wasn't a big deal."
3. Shifting Blame
You: "Why didn't you call me back?" Gaslighter: "I didn't call because you're always so needy and demanding."
4. Withholding Information
You: "Why didn't you tell me about the change in plans?" Gaslighter: "I thought you already knew. You must have forgotten."
5. Using Confusion
You: "You said you would be home by 7 PM." Gaslighter: "No, I said 9 PM. You always get things wrong."
Sources:
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Verywell Mind
How to Respond to Gaslighting
1. Stay Calm
Keep your composure to think clearly and respond assertively without escalating the situation.
2. Document Events
Keep a journal or record of conversations and events to reinforce your reality.
3. Assert Your Reality
Use "I" statements to express your feelings and perceptions, like "I remember you saying that you would handle the bills."
4. Seek Support
Talk to trusted friends, family members, or a mental health professional for validation and support.
5. Set Boundaries
Clearly communicate and enforce boundaries to protect your emotional well-being.
Sources:
PsychCentral
Conclusion
Recognizing gaslighting is the first step toward protecting yourself from its harmful effects. If you suspect you are being gaslit, seek support from trusted individuals or mental health professionals.
At Moriel Mental Health (MMH), we specialize in helping victims of gaslighting and narcissistic abuse. Our therapists provide compassionate and effective treatment. Please contact us to book an appointment. We work all throughout California and are here to support you.
Sources:
Psychology Today
National Domestic Violence Hotline
GoodTherapy
Verywell Mind
PsychCentral
