Is It Possible for Your Kids to Gaslight You?

Written By Mícheál Æsír

Yes, it is possible for children to gaslight their parents. While it may not be as common as adult-to-adult gaslighting, children and adolescents can engage in manipulative behaviors for various reasons. Here’s how to identify and address it.

What Gaslighting by Kids Looks Like

1. Denying Behavior

Example: Parent: "You didn’t clean your room as I asked." Child: "Yes, I did. You must not have checked properly."

2. Trivializing Concerns

Example: Parent: "You need to finish your homework before watching TV." Child: "It’s just homework. You’re making a big deal out of nothing."

3. Shifting Blame

Example: Parent: "Why didn’t you tell me about the school meeting?" Child: "You never listen to me when I talk."

4. Withholding Information

Example: Parent: "Why didn’t you tell me you needed help with your project?" Child: "I thought you already knew."

5. Confusion and Contradiction

Example: Parent: "You said you’d help with chores." Child: "No, I didn’t. You’re remembering it wrong."

How to Deal with Gaslighting by Kids

1. Stay Calm

Strategy: Keep your composure to handle the situation rationally and effectively.

2. Set Clear Boundaries

Strategy: Communicate your expectations and consequences clearly. Be consistent in enforcing them.

3. Document Behavior

Strategy: Keep a record of incidents and conversations to have a clear picture of what is happening.

4. Seek Support

Strategy: Talk to other family members or a therapist to get a balanced perspective and support.

5. Teach Accountability

Strategy: Encourage your child to take responsibility for their actions and understand the impact of their behavior.

Conclusion

While it may be challenging to address, recognizing and dealing with gaslighting behavior from your children is crucial for maintaining a healthy family dynamic. Setting clear boundaries, staying calm, and seeking support can help manage the situation effectively.

At Moriel Mental Health (MMH), we specialize in family therapy and can provide support and strategies for dealing with manipulative behaviors within the family. Please contact us to book an appointment. We work all throughout California and are here to support you.

Sources:

  • Psychology Today

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline

  • GoodTherapy

  • Verywell Mind

  • PsychCentral

Mícheál Æsír
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